The End of Us

As my two thumbs go in circles with each other, I wonder when it will stop. Will it cease when I stop thinking, or will it halt in the midst of my wandering mind? As I click every single key right now, I wonder when I will ever stop pondering all the possibilities or perhaps overthinking about things that may never happen.

I wonder, where did it all go wrong, or did it go wrong? Is it the trauma talking? I wonder. I ponder why I feel pain and numbness at the same time. I’m in pain but have gotten used to how it feels. Maybe. No. I guess it’s the trauma. It has always been the trauma.

When you become accustomed to being ignored, used to being taken for granted, you no longer know if people are showing genuine care. You don’t even know if you have an impact on their lives. You don’t know if it will last. Maybe it won’t. Maybe it will. Maybe or maybe not.

I wonder, is this just the start? Could it be a time when I’m in the middle of the eye of the storm, or am I just wondering like a curious cat?

Just a few more days. Give me a few more days. Give me a few more days of neglect, and I will leave. I will leave permanently from your life. Just a little more.